


hate the sin, love the sinner

by tooruluv



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Apologies, Cheating, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heartache, Implied Sexual Content, Kageyama Tobio is Bad at Feelings, Post-Break Up, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:34:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26101234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tooruluv/pseuds/tooruluv
Summary: it had been years since you and kageyama broke up. it had been years since the two of you left each other, hatred brewing. fate works in funny ways, you thought, as you caught his eye across the café. love works in funny ways, you thought, as you woke up in his bed the next morning, his fiance calling his phone.( also posted on my tumblr @ tooruluv ! )
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Reader, Kageyama Tobio/You
Comments: 73
Kudos: 236





	1. ex sex

**Author's Note:**

> first kageyama x reader fic! this one is full of angst and pining, hatred and hate sex, and my attempt at writing smut. i hope you all enjoy! :)

The final pages of the story were finished. The book was closed, the concluding statements read. The story of you and Tobio Kageyama had long since completed. With a few nostalgic memories and a broken heart, it was the end.

Except, like many stories, it wasn’t. An epilogue had begun. A new chapter starting in the midst of nothing, a sequel to a seemingly finished story.

Because you had somehow ended up here: gasping in between desperate kisses with the aforementioned man. He had you pinned up against his penthouse wall, hands grasping every inch of you that he could while your hands threaded in his hair.

Kageyama was buffer now, extra muscle and better build. He easily picked you up and made his moves with more strength and power. It wasn’t just passion the both of you were working with, but anger as well. He was angry at you, angry at the world.

But most importantly, Kageyama was angry with you, still. For breaking his heart.

The night was full of rough, heated kisses and using each other’s bodies in a way that would most certainly leave marks the next morning. You never once spoke, not since the very first kiss you had shared in five years.

Heaving and exhausted, the both of you fell asleep in the hotel you were staying in. There was no cuddling, no pillow talk. Instead, you fell asleep side by side.

\--

Tobio Kageyama was the love of your high school life. The two of you dated the entirety of the dreadful years, seeing each other grow. He may have seemed stoic, or too focused on his favorite sport, but you would be lying if you said that he was a terrible boyfriend.

You brought him a milk every day at lunch, you supported him at every early morning volleyball tournament, you helped him study because despite everyone telling you he’s smart he was actually the least studious person ever. And he came to your house every time you felt sick, he looked at all of your drawings as if they were professional paintings, he brought you a hot chocolate (with your specific order) from the coffee shop you both liked whenever he felt the need to apologize.

You completed each other.

But you can’t really bring up the good parts, the parts you missed the most, without bringing up the bad parts. The parts that make you never want to return.

You were drained in the relationship, to say the least. You were exhausted all of the time, full of worry because he never texted back, tired from the late nights when he would leave you waiting after practices when he promised he would meet you outside after. And he would get mad at you and give you the silent treatment until he brought you a hot chocolate and neither of you ever talked about it again, or if you tried he would change the subject. He also tended to hate PDA, something you rather enjoyed even if it was just holding pinkies.

The worst part, though, was his hatred for your friendship with your best friend. Tooru Oikawa had been your best friend since you were both children. You had even met Kageyama through the older boy, back in junior high. 

You had to tell him over and over and time and time again that Tooru Oikawa was just a best friend and nothing more. You, in simpler terms, had told Kageyama that you had never ever had even an inkling of a crush on the man. This was a reoccurring situation for the entirety of your relationship.

Like it was a competition between the two and you were the prize. And you hated being played as a game.

One day, only a couple of weeks before you had broken up with him, you and Kageyama were sitting in your bedroom. You were trying to study with him, flashcards and papers spread out across your bed as he sat beside you.

Your phone went off, and you ignored it. Kageyama didn’t.

“Oikawa’s texting you again.” He said, voice low with irritation. You rolled your eyes.

“You know, Kageyama, that he’s only a friend and has only ever been a friend.” you told him, ignoring your phone when it went off again. “It’s like you talking to… Hinata.”

“Hinata’s not hitting up my phone every hour, though, is he?” 

“He might as well be.” You set down your book and turned your body so all of your attention was on your boyfriend. When your hands reached for his, and your fingers interlocked with his, he basically let out a sigh of relief as he relaxed. “I love you. _You_.”

“I love you, too.” He wrapped his other hand around the one holding yours. “I didn’t want to start a fight.”

“I know.”

God, it was going to be hard to tell him goodbye.

\--

Five years had passed since you had last seen Tobio Kageyama. They passed in a series of blurs, as you spent a majority of them traveling and moving non-stop. And after a long time, you had somehow ended back where you started. Back in Japan.

Oikawa was the one who picked you up at the airport, excited as all hell to talk to you about his achievements since high school and hear your stories. He even wrote your name on a piece of paper and all.

“Ah, I have missed you more than you could possibly know!” Oikawa exclaimed as you walked beside him to get your luggage. “And now that you’re back, you can stop Iwa from bullying me.” He pouted.

“You know even I don’t have that kind of power.” You joked. Oikawa got taller, too.

On the way home, you heard about his new team and how they traveled the world, you heard about how big his nephew had gotten, about how things have changed since high school (Oikawa actually lived by himself, now, which was a shock to you since your best friend hated being lonely).

And you caught him up on your adventures, about backpacking in Europe and visiting the Great Wall of China, about living in the states.

You missed being back, for the most part.

Oikawa helped you unpack in your hotel (“You could always stay with me, young traveler, instead of this hotel” He told you. Which you replied with, “My dear Tooru, I wouldn’t want to intervene on prime masturbation hours.”)

\--

The first place you visited since being back was Oikawa’s apartment. The second place you visited was the Scoups Café. 

The café wasn’t tiny, but it wasn’t large either. There were tables spread out along the floor, decorated with old newspapers and flower centerpieces. The smell of coffee filled the air the second you opened the big glass doors. The small chatters of people and clicking of keyboards created a chorus of nearly synchronized harmonies. Though it was soothing, beautiful, but it reminded you of every love story imaginable all packed into one: Tobio Kageyama.

You ordered your hot chocolate and waited behind the brown counters. As you did, you heard your name being said from behind you.

You turned to see him. The dark hair, the blue eyes. Unmistakable. You froze on the spot, arms limp at your sides. You didn’t know if it was the anger or the heart break that hit you first. But all you knew then, in that moment, was that he was there. He was there, in the coffee shop with you, and was looking at you with the same anger/heartbreak combination you wore.

\--

“ _I hate you_.” 

Those were the last words Kageyama said to you. Those were the words that you heard repeatedly over and over and over. You weren’t sure if he was being honest or if he was just pissed off, but he said them. To you, to your face, in front of loved ones. He said it. 

And you hated him for it.

The plane ride was full of running makeup, shaking, and putting your phone on airplane mode (not that Kageyama would even text you, you knew he wouldn’t).

Maybe “I hate you” was better than “goodbye”. Maybe “I hate you” was better than “I love you”. Maybe “I hate you” was better than literally any other thing he could have said. Yeah, maybe.

Because hating him for the rest of your life would be way easier than being in love with him.

\--

You claimed Tooru Oikawa as your best friend. And he claimed that you were “slightly higher than Iwa on the best friend scale”. It stemmed as children, you were in the same junior high as them before moving to Karasuno in high school.

You were sitting with your other best friend, Hana, watching the game with such intensity that both of your eyes might as well have popped out of your head. Hana was just as involved. Though it was just a junior high game that wasn’t that hard, it was interesting.

That’s when you met Kageyama for the first time. Your eyes were trained on him the entire time, his drive and passion showing even at the young age. He just… felt different. His aura drew you in like a red string tied on your pinky.

“You’re drooling!” Hana teased from beside you.

“I am not!”

You most definitely were. And after the game, you congratulated Oikawa on court along with his teammates (meaning a certain dark haired boy). 

\--

“Does he still hate you?” Oikawa asked you on facetime while you were still in the states. He was outside, in daylight, and you were about to pass out from staying up too late.

“I don’t know.” You didn’t like talking about it, contrary to popular beliefs. “I haven’t talked to him.”

“It’s okay. He hates me too.”

“Are you on a swing? Are you a child?”

“I’m watching Takeru!”

“I smell excuses, Tooru. Excuses.”

You laughed as Oikawa did his best to defend himself, making up ridiculous excuses that only made you laugh harder. Always the dramatic one. You were just happy to derail the conversation.

\--

See, you thought that would be it. One relapse sexcapade with the man you loved for most of your life. One “get it out of your system” night. It’s funny, isn’t it, how things never truly are what you expect them to be.

You didn’t wake up to an empty bed. In fact, you woke up entangled with the dark haired man. Your legs were wrapped around his, and his arms around your waist. He was warm, chest pinned against your back.

His phone rang throughout the bedroom, interrupting your (quite peaceful) sleep. 

He reached over your body, still staying behind you (completely naked still, to add), checking the caller ID. His one arm held his body over yours, chest to your side. Like he was trying to keep you trapped there, or he knew he looked like a god in the morning sun (the orange hues reflecting off of his skin in the most beautiful way possible). Either way, you just watched as he grabbed the phone off of the stand.

“ _Shit._ ” He mumbled.

His fiancé was calling.


	2. you’ve got to be kidding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, thank you all so much for the support with this one! <3 i've decided to update this every sunday!

“I think I’m in love with you.” He told you. A statement, like he was listing off a fact.

It was around a year into you both being more than friends. In a way, you two never defined it. Not until that moment. You had been on unofficial dates, an unofficial love story. Until he stood in front of you, hands at his sides, with a spark in his eyes that you’d seen a thousand times but never confirmed. 

“I think I’m in love with you, too.” You told him back.

He didn’t kiss you, didn’t hug you or even take your hand in his. Tobio Kageyama just stayed standing a couple of feet in front of you and nodded. Like you two just made an agreement.

“That’s good then.” He put his hands into his jacket pockets.

You chuckled, rolling your eyes. He was confused, you thought. You were the one who moved to him, standing side by side and linking your arm with his. He didn’t move. 

“You know, that’s usually the part when you kiss me and we confirm that we’re together and live happily ever after.” You said.

“Well, we’re already together.” Kageyama started to walk, arm still linked with yours.

You smiled, and so did he.

\--

You covered yourself with the comforter when he answered the call. The sweat and after sex intensity still lingered, you knew he was going to have to clean the entire bedroom after you left. Kageyama still hovered above you, body warm. Naked.

“Hey.” He answered. Deep.

You couldn’t hear the other end, but you heard a small voice. You debated on moving from under him, but he was so warm. When he answered her with a “Yeah, sure,” you decided to move from under him, staggering around the bedroom to find your clothes. He leaned back onto the bed to watch you, phone to ear.

“You know I don’t care about that stuff.” He was saying when you found your pants and slipped them on. “Uh-huh. Yup.”

The room was littered in the night before, clothes and pillows and things everywhere. Kageyama was gorgeous to look at, naked and confident in the light. You tried to ignore the guilt and anger in the back of your mind.

When you were finally fully clothed, you searched for you bag and phone so you could leave. His eyes followed you around the room, pointing to things you missed (your bra… your sock… oh shit, there’s your phone!). You sent Kageyama one final look, hand on his doorknob. One that said, " _This was the biggest mistake._ ”

He said it into the phone, but he stared at you. “I know. Trust me, I know.”

\--

“I cannot believe that you two have been together for so long!” Hana sighed. Being your only female friend, you had grown close. Mainly to talk about the boys, her crush on a very tall blonde on the Karasuno team going nowhere. “How are you going to tell him?”

“I don’t know yet.” 

The two of you were at her house, splayed out in her living room. The TV was background noise at that point. You were laying on the floor and she was laying on the floor parallel to you, the couch abandoned above you.

“Are you scared with how he’ll react?”

“That’s the thing. He won’t react.” You turned to look at her. “You and I both know that I could tell that man that the world was going to explode tomorrow and he would just shrug.”

Because that was the thing with dating Tobio Kageyama. He wouldn't care about the things that mattered, the big things, and cared entirely too much about the little things that shouldn't worry him to begin with. And you never knew which decisions of yours would warrant what reaction.

“You can’t just tell him that you’re leaving the day that you do.”

“How about this,” you offered. “When you tell Tsuki you want to go on a date with him, I’ll tell Kageyama that I’m leaving.”

“You’re evil.”

“I guess the sooner the better, then?”

Hana laughed and tossed a pillow at you. You laughed too, throwing it back. It turned into a full pillow fight, giggling. You were going to tell Kageyama that you were moving, you were. But every moment you had the chance, you couldn’t do it.

\--

“You have to promise to be good.” You had told Oikawa. “Promise me.”

“When am I ever anything but?” He replied, smirk planted on his face. 

It was your birthday, and your family insisted on a party. Only a couple of months before you were leaving. But a birthday party meant that every circle of friends you had were coming together at one event.

Hana and Kageyama showed up alongside a majority of the volleyball team. Hana was standing a little too close to a specific blonde. The third years weren’t there, you remember, probably doing something much more entertaining for their last year. 

“Hello, everyone!” Oikawa greeted, waving from the archway that led to the kitchen. Hinata greeted him, waving and calling him _something king_. Like he needed a boost to his ego.

Kageyama decided that he wouldn’t leave your side for the rest of the party. You didn’t mind, for the most part.

\--

“Who was she?” you asked him.

Sitting in the Scoups Café, you kept your eyes on your hot chocolate. In your usual spot, Kageyama sat across from you with his own drink. A girl had just come to him, twisting her hair and giggling when he said something monotone.

“No one.” He was staring at the top of your head. “Now look at the one who’s jealous.”

You scoffed. He blinked. “Honey.” He had reached over to lift your chin with his finger. “I love you.”

You nodded, feeling stupid for even asking. “I love you, too.”

\--

“Tobio Kageyama.”

Five years had twisted your memory. You knew what he looked like, what he smelled like, what he felt like. But standing before him, in the same café you grew your relationship in, made him feel like a stranger.

He stood like he did when he first admitted his love for you. Hands in his jacket pockets, eyes filled with emotions you couldn’t define. Though he hid it well with hatred and anger.

“You’re back.”

“For now.”

You couldn’t move for a moment, limp as you stared into the blue eyes you hadn’t seen in forever. Your name was called, your hot chocolate waiting at the counter. You forced yourself to turn around.

A lot of things were unsaid. A lot of things stayed buried in the back of your throat, wanting to be spoken. But instead, he was the one who spoke.

“Are you by yourself?”

“For the most part. I haven’t talked to anyone but Oikawa since I’ve been back.”

You caught him flinch, just a little. Like you spoke the name Voldemort. You wanted to tell him so many things. But you ended up saying, “Do you want me to walk you home?”

Kageyama only waited a beat before replying, “That would be a terrible idea. Sure.”

\--

“ _I hate you._ ” 

Those were the last words Kageyama said to you. You would never forget them, the words etched into your mind like pictures on a cave wall. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

You faked hating him, too.

You faked it until you actually did. Unsaid things, memories, and every feeling of loss and lack of closure turned into a burning hate and anger. If he hated you, you would hate him too.

Every time you would see him on TV, you would change the channel. Every time you were with someone else, you forced the memory of him out of your mind. Every time you would get a text from someone else that graduated Karasuno, you would get a little irritated.

Because hating him for the rest of your life would be way easier than being in love with him.

\--

You turned the knob, ready to turn and leave and never return. His penthouse was huge (he had a lot of money considering his career), and you had to remember how to get to the elevator. It was pretty simple, modern. Blacks and whites, shelves of trophies and awards. You were about to leave.

Until, “Hana, babe, I’ll see you later. We’ll talk then.”

Hana.

He hung up and met you outside of his room. You turned to him, livid. “ _You’ve got to be_ fucking _kidding me._ ”


	3. i hate you

_"You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”_

Tobio Kageyama stood there, only in sweats, and shrugged. He _shrugged_. You were about to throw something, hit him with anything, when he spoke. This wasn’t the worst fight the two of you had ever been in, but it was definitely up there.

Because this time, it was you doing most of the yelling. “Hana? Out of everyone? Out of _everyone_? Are you fucking serious?”

\--

The day you told Kageyama that you were leaving. That day had been the last time you and Kageyama talked. Or, rather, he talked.

It was something you knew for a really long time. Your parents had received a job in the states and you had held off telling him that you were going for as long as you could. Until you couldn’t anymore.

Makeup running down your face, hot tears streaming down your cheeks. And he stood in front of you.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?” 

Because you couldn’t bare the thought of telling him. Because you couldn’t look at his face when you said you were going to be gone. Because you didn’t know how he would react. Because you didn’t want to go.

But, despite all of those reasons, you said, “I was scared.”

“You were _scared_ to tell me?”

“Yeah.”

You were literally standing at the airport. In front of the door, your plane ready to take off in two hours. When you said you waited until last second, you truly did. 

“You were scared? You waited months. _Months_.”

“I know I did.” You reached forward but he stepped back. More tears fell down your face. “I just… I just couldn’t think of a way to tell you. I love you so much and I… I didn’t want to say goodbye.”

“How’s this for goodbye,” Kageyama barely blinked. “I hate you.”

Your body seized. Hana, who stood beside you, took your hand but you didn’t feel it. Your entire being fell numb.

“You let me believe we had more time. You let me stay with you, fall in love with you, all when you knew. You knew that you were leaving. And you didn’t tell me for months. I hate you.”

 _“I hate you.”_ You would hate him, too, if it was the other way around.

\--

“Babe!” 

You stood at the door to the gym, a bag of food for your boyfriend. He had been so preoccupied trying to master this move for volleyball and hadn’t spent much time with him, so you figured you would leave him some food for that break he takes between practice ending and his own practice (which means several hours with Hinata after everyone left).

The entire team turned to face you. Tobio Kageyama’s face flushed.

He rushed to you, long strides pulling him across the gym. Over his shoulder, two of the boys followed. 

“Hey, uh,” Kageyama was awkward. It made you giggle. “What’re you doing here?”

“I brought you some food.” You handed him the bag, and a bottle of water just in case. “You didn’t eat lunch today and I wanted to make sure you at least had a little bit.”

“Kageyama, who is this?” one of the boys, the shorter one, asked as the other one, the taller one (the one with the shaved head), said “You didn’t tell us you had a girlfriend!”

“Hi!” you smiled and waved at them. 

The team introduced themselves, and you smiled at all of them. Kageyama may have been your boyfriend, but he wasn’t one to introduce you to friends. Or, rather, teammates. Daichi, the captain, even started to lecture your boyfriend on his lack of eating.

“I had milk…” he mumbled.

\--

“Listen, it isn’t what you think.” Is all Kageyama said. Of course it was all he said.

“It isn’t what I think?” you scoffed, looking to the ceiling. “We broke up and you’re marrying my best friend. It’s _exactly_ what I think.”

“Your best friend that you haven’t talked to in five years.”

“Two.”

“What?”

“Two years. I haven’t talked to her in two years.” You were pissed. Maybe a good old catch up with Hana would make things up, maybe punching her in her stupid perfect teeth would make the nausea in your stomach go away. “And it’s because _she_ stopped talking to _me_.”

“I don’t get why _you're_ mad at _me_.” He was just as pissed, and he probably had way more pent up anger at you. “Maybe if you actually put effort into things, you wouldn’t be in this position.”

“Maybe if I put _an effort into things_? You’re fucking ridiculous.”

“Yes, if you put an effort into things. Maybe if you _fucking talked to people_ , maybe if you _stayed_ , maybe if you…”

“You know what? I don’t want to hear you tell me what to do or what I should’ve done when you’re the one who cheated on your fiancé.”

“Crazy how you’re this mad when you’re the mistress.”

You grabbed a couch pillow and threw it at him. It was the closest thing you could grab. You wanted a glass, or a plate. Maybe that fake potted plant in the corner will go next.

“You’re such a dick!” you yelled, getting ready to throw another pillow. 

Somehow, he reached you before you could throw it. He caught your hands with his wrists, stopping you. You were breathing heavy.

“You know, I thought running into you would give some closure.” Kageyama said. His voice was low, calm, collected. “I thought that maybe, this was it and it was one final time to get the last of the feelings out of my system.”

“Yeah, me too.” You stared into his eyes. They were just as blue as when you left. “Guess we were both wrong.”

You ripped your arms out of his grasp. He let you.

“Marrying Hana. My best friend.” You were standing further away, but you could still feel his breath. “That’s probably lower than anything I’ve ever done to you.”

And you left. You turned around, snatched your bag, and left. As the elevator closed, you watched him watch you.

\--

Hana was the one who hugged you before you left. She was the last one, other than your family, to see you. She held your head, pulled you to her body, let you cry on her shoulder until they called your plane. 

She was your best friend.

While you were in the states, she would facetime you. Call you. Text you updates.

The day you left, she texted you. She kept her end of the deal, too.

 **hana <3**: told tsuki today  
**hana <3**: we kissed!! basically i was nervous for no reason lol

 **you** : omg omg omg congrats! at least one of us is having a good time hfksbfsksl

 **hana <3**: don’t worry ab boys. ur gonna have so much fun and meet new people. im always here 4 u.

\--

“I’m on my way over.” You spoke into the phone, hands still shaking with withheld anger.

_“You sound pissed. Can’t wait.”_

\--

The first time you and Kageyama kissed was a little bit into the relationship. It was a couple of months in, and he asked you to go for a walk with him.

“A walk?” you asked, looking around your room for a fitting outfit. “It’s early. And it’s Saturday.”

“I know. I’m outside of your house. Meet me outside whenever you’re ready.”

“You’re insane. Give me five.”

That week, you spent time with Oikawa. Your stomach flipped with the idea that Kageyama had finally had enough of you hanging out with him, or maybe he was going to tell you that he was jealous again. You didn’t know, but an early morning walk with your boyfriend didn’t sound very relaxing.

Cautiously, you met him on your porch. He greeted you with a simple nod, hands in his pockets.

“Um, before we begin, can I say something?” he asked.

You nodded. A jolt through your entire body.

“I know that I complain a lot. And I know that I… I know that I’m not very good with feelings.” He was talking slowly. Practiced. “But I want you to know that even though you spend time with Oikawa, I know that he’s your best friend and I just get jealous. And I want you to know that I know you’re mine.”

“I’m yours.” You confirmed.

“So, I wanted to do this before we started walking.” 

And, with that, he leaned down and kissed you. It was a small kiss, a peck to your lips, and he had to bend down to do so. But you felt everything lift off of your shoulders. You were flying.

When he pulled back, he smiled. Genuinely. You did, too.

“Now, I think a walk is in order.” You looped your arm through where he still held his in his pockets.

\--

Oikawa opened the door, tilting his head at the sight of you. You stood in his doorway, very obviously stressed out and face red with both tears and yelling. You had your hood up, hair still messy from the night.

“You look like you just got done having the best dick ever.” He joked.

You rushed forward, capturing his lips with yours. He staggered back, gripping your hips as you closed the door with your ankle. He didn’t hesitate to kiss you back. You were chest to chest, your hands on his shoulders and standing on your toes. 

He pulled away to ask, “So we’re doing this again?”

“I’m pissed off.” You kissed him again. Your hands held the waistband of his jeans. “I’m in dire need of a _very big_ distraction.”

“I’m not complaining.” Oikawa grabbed your jaw and pulled you in again.


	4. why did you come back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a little filler chapter for the next part <3

You woke up in Tooru Oikawa’s bed. His white sheets were a huge contrast with Kageyama’s navy blue. It brought out the light specks of caramel in Oikawa’s eyes.

“Staring is a bit creepy, doll.” Oikawa spoke. He was still sleepy, eyes droopy and hair a mess.

You stayed the night. Of course you did. It wasn’t a common occurrence, per se, but it definitely had happened before. If you were to be completely honest, it felt natural. Best friends who sleep together sometimes when they’re frustrated. _Yeah, that’s normal._

“I thought you liked attention?” You quipped. He smiled.

“You’re not wrong.” 

You were facing each other. You weren’t cuddling, just laying together. You could feel the soft breaths leave his chest, he could still feel your warmth. He stood up, naked, and placed a kiss to your forehead. 

“Pancakes?” he asked.

Smacking his arm, you replied, “Waffles.”

\--

The first time you and Oikawa had ended up entangled together was a year after you left. He came to visit on a little vacation with Iwaizumi. He had lost a game, you were still heartbroken. Somehow both of you ended up that way.

It became a reoccurring thing since. Every time you would visit each other and stressed or upset, you would end up together. A frustration deal. Nothing serious.

\--

“I’m guessing it’s the King of the Court.” Oikawa said. He handed you a plate of waffles when you emerged from the bedroom. 

You poured syrup. “Isn’t it always?”

He didn’t ask you anything else. Because quite frankly, he didn’t need to. He knew how heartbroken you were. He knew how even after five years, you wanted nothing more than to take it all back. He knew.

\--

Tobio Kageyama was not a cheater. In fact, he was so incredibly loyal that it stressed everyone around him out. Loyal to volleyball, loyal to eating the same food every day. Literally the definition of loyal.

Yet, somehow, all of that went out the window the second he caught sight of you.

Hinata knew that there was something up. He didn’t necessarily say, _“Hey, Kageyama, you look like shit.”_ But when they met for brunch ( _seriously, Hinata, he’s not even married yet and he’s going to brunch_ ), Hinata asked, “What’s up?”

“What do you mean?”

“Nevermind.”

“Say it.”

“It’s just.. uh..” Hinata tapped his fingers on the table, refusing to make eye contact. Kageyama waited. “It’s just. You look like you did when…”

A pause. “Oh my god. She’s back, isn’t she?”

He didn’t answer. He could’ve just replied with a _“Yeah. She’s back. In fact, I slept with her because I have a lot of unresolved feelings and she’s back and I missed her more than I should’ve.”_

Instead, “I don’t know.”

“You’re lying, Kageyama. I’m not dumb.”

“ _Debatable._ ”

“With an attitude like that, I’m going to text Oikawa. I’m sure he knows _all about her return and what happened._ ”

“You’re annoying.” Kageyama sighed. He swirled the fork on his plate, staring entirely too hard at the food. “Yes. She’s back. I ran into her yesterday.” Not a lie, not completely the truth.

“See, that wasn’t so hard!” Hinata’s mouth was full of food. “Next question: why do you look like shit?”

\--

When you first met Kageyama, he didn’t talk much. It wasn’t that he was shy. It was just that he didn’t like to talk to people he didn’t know. And you happened to be a pretty girl.  
He watched you approach the team after a game in junior high. He watched you talk to Oikawa, and then turn to him. 

“Good job!” you smiled at Kageyama. “Seriously, I couldn’t take my eyes off of you.”

“Uhm. Thanks.”

You sent him another smile. His immediate reaction was to smile back.

\--

You left Oikawa’s feeling a little bit better. Another tease, another kiss to your temple and you were off. You couldn’t believe that you let yourself fall back into any form of rhythm with Tobio Kageyama. You just had so many questions. One of which: what the fuck happened to make him want to marry Hana?

You were mumbling to yourself, grumbling with hate and anger, when you ran straight into a brick wall. No. It was someone’s back.

“Shit, sorry.” You muttered as a habit.

“Watch where you’re going.” The voice replied, and you knew. How could your luck be this bad?

You stumbled back on impact, and arms grabbed you before you could fall. Kageyama stood in front of you, holding onto your elbows, staring down. He seemed to freeze for a second, recognizing you.

“Sorry.” You said again. 

He stayed with his arms on yours for a little bit too long. He kept them there. “Hey, uh. I wanted to apologize.”

You blinked. Shaking your head, you said, “Don’t.”

“No, really.” His arms stayed on yours, blue eyes looking at you. “I shouldn’t have said what I did. And I definitely should have told you, or had Hana tell you, about… about us getting married soon. So I…”

“Please don’t apologize.” You grabbed his hands. “I seriously don’t think I can handle you ever apologizing to me.”

Kageyama nodded as if he understood. You don’t think he would ever understand. 

The two of you stood like that, your hands wrapped around his wrists and his eyes never leaving yours, for what felt like forever. The city streets moved with people and cars but you stood still. There was so much you wanted to say, so much you wanted him to hear, but you couldn’t. 

“Can I ask you something?” he finally spoke.

“Yeah.”

Kageyama took a breath. Like he was trying to find the right words but couldn’t seem to place them together correctly. Until, “Why did you come back?”

“Why did I come back?” you tilted your head. “I got a job here. And, if I’m being honest, I missed it here.” _Missed you_. You would never admit that, though. 

You didn’t miss the way his eyes focused primarily on your lips when you spoke. You didn’t miss the way he swallowed. And you definitely didn’t miss the look in his eyes. You were standing entirely too close. The air was darker, electric. Like it was taking everything in your power, and his, not to fall into each other.

Your name dripped off of his tongue. You hadn’t realized that your eyes were on his lips until you had to flash them back to his eyes. He stepped closer. You let him.

“Kags...” you started, but he stopped you.

Lips to ears, he whispered, “ _I missed you, too._ ”

He let his hand stay with yours until it slid off, and he left.

\--

Tobio Kageyama hated pet names. He thought that they were stupid and held no actual meaning. Why have a name only to be called something else? 

You, however, thought that they were cute. They were a term of endearment. And you would never pass up the chance to call Kageyama one. Your favorite was “babe”. You loved the way his ears would go pink, or how his teammates would give a smirk when they heard it.

Eventually, he ended up using them for you. Not because he wanted too, but because they seemed to be natural when he spoke to you. His favorite was “honey” or “love”.

You think that’s why you got as mad as you did when you heard Kageyama on the phone with Hana. He had called her “babe”. He always detested pet names that had to do with “babe”, “baby”, “baby girl”. He thought that they were weird and he was not weird.. He didn’t think that way anymore, you guessed.

You wanted nothing more than to understand what happened while you were gone. 

\--

 **kawa’s flat ass** : you should date him!!!!! date him date him date him 

You sat in your bedroom, gushing over a certain volleyball player on your best friend’s team. There was something about him. Hana and Oikawa heard you go on and on for days.

 **you** : i really dont know. i dont wanna date someone & not know if im even going to go to the same high school.

 **kawa’s flat ass** : thats boring.

Luckily for you, however, you seen him the very first day of high school. Karasuno wasn’t top for volleyball, so you wondered for a second if he managed to come to the wrong school. But there he stood: still as beautiful, yet taller, than the last time.

“Kageyama!” you waved, sending him a smile.

He didn’t see you at first, scanning the crowded hallway as an attempt to find the voice that called him. You waved again and he caught sight of you. He gave a small wave back.

“I didn’t know you were going here.” He said once you’ve reached him. 

“I didn’t know you were going here, either.” You giggled as you walked next to him. “Guess we’re friends?”

“I guess.”

\--

You knocked on the door, knuckle against hard wood. Your insides were screaming, _“you shouldn’t be here”_ , _“it isn’t too late to turn around”_.

You waited a couple of minutes. As your back turned, ready to give up and retreat, the door swung open. 

“Oh my god, hi! You’re back!”

“Hi, Hana.”


	5. moving in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! i made a twitter if any of you want to follow (i promise i'll follow back). it's @ tooruluvv. i plan to maybe keep updates and just joke around about stuff on there!! <3

Hana opened the door, greeting you with a fake smile plastered on her face. Suddenly, Kageyama’s penthouse was Kageyama and Hana’s. You tried not to think about the fact you were here no more than a day ago.

You tried not to think of the fact her fiancé, the man she loved, had been inside of you on the couch, against that wall, in the bed she would lay down in later.

“Oh my god, it’s been so long!” Hana spoke as she opened the door to let you in. “How did you find me? Actually, don’t answer that. How have you been?”

You were going to be nice. You were going to pretend to put a smile on your face and pretend that nothing happened. Instead, as soon as you walked through the door, you turned on your heels.

“Let’s not fake this. How are you and Kageyama?” Your words were venom. 

Hana froze. She avoided your eyes. “I… um.. I was going to tell you. I was.”

“But you didn’t.” You scoffed. “So, were you going to tell me _before_ or _after_ you got married?”

This would be a fair fight, you thought. You could punch her perfect face and break her nose, easy. She was around the same height as you, too, maybe a little taller. But you were definitely angrier. You could beat her ass.

“I was going to tell you when it all happened. But then I thought it would have been awful, so I waited. And then, I just kept waiting. And then it just seemed way too late.” She didn’t blink, hugging herself as if that would make you feel something for her.

“You’re my best friend. He’s my ex. Even a text would’ve been nice.”

It was at that moment that the man of the hour decided to walk through the door. The second Tobio Kageyama entered, he froze. His gym bag fell out of his hand. “What’s… what’s going on here?” He asked, nervousness basically sweating off of him. 

“Nothing!” Hana sent him a smile. You watched her. “Look who’s back! I was just inviting her to stay with us and help me with the wedding details!”

You raised a brow, looking around to try to figure out where the fuck that came from. Kageyama’s eyes found yours, and you didn’t know what to say.

“Right?” Hana turned to you, arm now linked with her fiancé’s. A protective gesture.

“Yeah. Yeah.” You lied, staring directly at Hana. “She was just asking me to stay in the guest room until I get my own place. Help prep for the wedding.”

\--

Hana transferred from the states in grade school. The two of you sat next to each other in class and you knew immediately that you would end up becoming best friends.

She was the only American in your school, and you were intrigued to say the least. She spoke fluent English and Japanese, had blonde hair and blue eyes, didn’t really understand Japanese customs. You were the first one who helped her out.

“You can call me Hana.” She told you when you introduced yourself. 

With a smile on your face and a pack of gummy bears in your hand, you let her call you by your first name too.

\--

You called Oikawa almost immediately. Hana told you to get your things from the hotel you were staying at, smiling the entire time as though you were simply best friends and everything was okay. 

_“What the fuck?”_ Oikawa growled over the phone. _“Beat her ass. Seriously. I condone and will bail you out of jail.”_

“I don’t know what happened.” You swiped your keycard. “I want to figure out what the fuck happened while I was gone that made them think getting together was a good idea. If helping with the wedding solved that unsolved mystery…then so be it.”

_“You’re seriously going to go through with that whole fake story?”_

“It hurts.” You shoved your extras into your suitcase. “And it sucks. And I would love to beat her ass. But I’m just going to go through the motions and hoping for the best. It isn’t like I haven’t done worse."

_“I fully believe that her going behind your back and marrying your ex-boyfriend that you clearly are not over trumps you sleeping with him one time.”_

“Your logic is flawed.”

 _“And so is yours.”_ You heard movement from behind him. _“Hey, I got to go. But let me know what_ brilliant _story she concocts.”_

\--

The wind had picked up outside, rain pouring and clouds dark. They were still at practice, slaving away in hopes to go to nationals. 

You waited by the lockers. Kageyama promised to meet you right after practice to start the weekend, and you agreed wholeheartedly. You forgot that he liked to spend a lot of extra time after.

Their captain, Daichi if you remembered correctly, was the first to leave. He caught your eye as you sat on the floor.

“You might want to go interrupt him and tell him to clean up.” He sent you a smile. “You know how he is.”

“You’re not wrong.” You chuckled. “Are you sure it’s alright that I interrupt?”

“Practice is over. Besides, I will never be the one to tell you to stop them from overworking.”

You thanked him and he waved you goodbye, heading out into the worst of the storm. You headed to the gym, hoping to get your boyfriend to leave practice early and come with you to watch a movie at yours. The sound of volleyballs hitting the court floors echoed from outside.

“Babe.” You called as you entered. You distracted them for sure, the ball instantly hitting the floor by Kageyama’s feet.

“Oh, hey.” He walked towards you. Hinata stayed behind, picking up the ball where it laid. “Hey. I promise we were only going to stay a little longer.”

“I know.” You reached for his hands. He let you hold them, despite the little ginger giggling behind you both. “It’s just storming pretty bad outside. I didn’t want to get caught up in it.”

“Okay. What if you wait for just a couple more sets and we can go?”

“Kags…”

“Please.” He linked his pinky with yours. “Just a couple more. And then you can pick the movie.”

This was different. New. He was asking you (no, he was begging you) for something. You weren’t used to him like that.

“Just a couple more. I want to see the quick attack in action.” You looked over Kageyama’s shoulder to his shorter friend. “Hi, Hinata!”

Hinata waved at you, blush spreading across his face. “Just watch us! You’ll love it.”

So you did. You watched Kageyama set the ball, Hinata spike it in a split second. If you blinked, you would’ve missed it. You were at a loss for words.

Living up to his promise, he only did it around five or six more times. That’s all it took, really, to improve even a little bit. It wasn’t long before the gym was clean and you were saying goodbye to Hinata.

“Are you sure you don’t want us to walk you?”

“He doesn’t need to be walked.” Kageyama muttered at the same time Hinata exclaimed, “No! Really, I like to bike in the rain!”

Kageyama took your hand in his under the umbrella as you walked away. He knew that he was in love with you. He was vulnerable around you, he loved your affection and praise, and he loved the way you looked as the moon reflected off of your cheek.

“You guys are amazing.” You told him. Another praise to go straight to his heart. “You have been practicing so hard, I really hope to see you do that move at a game soon. What do you call it again?”

“A quick attack.”

“The quick attack.” You repeated. “It’s amazing. I’m extremely proud.”

He had to hold back a smile. “T-T-Thank you.”

\--

The last conversation you had with Hana was a little over two years ago. You had kept in contact for the most part. She gushed over Tsukishima a majority of the time, and you told her about the amazing places you went. 

Speaking of Kei Tsukishima, where the fuck was he in all of this? What happened between them?

You thought about calling or texting the tall blonde, but you didn’t have anyway to contact him. Maybe you could call Hinata and ask. Or force it out of Kageyama. 

\--

Your bedroom (or rather, the guest bedroom you are staying in) was pretty messy, your things everywhere yet nowhere at once. You didn’t plan on staying very long, so you did your best to keep things in your suitcase or near it. _Like a vacation_ , you thought. _Like a very sucky, sucky vacation._

It was ridiculous.

The bedroom was huge, and you had glass windows on two entire walls (with curtains for privacy), the view expanding over most of Tokyo. It was modern, like the rest of the house, with whites and blacks.

A hand grasped your wrist. You were spun around, face to face with the man of the house. If he seen you ogling the room, he said nothing.

It’s dead silent. His eyes gazed into yours. You stared back, just as silent, terrified. 

It’s been almost too long, standing too close, for one of you not to say something. So, you started, “Kageyama..”

He had to close his eyes after you said his name. You didn’t expect your voice to sound so small.

_“Promise me that you won’t tell her.”_

The image of Hana, his beautiful bride, played on his mind. How happy she would be, how happy he will be. He couldn’t imagine the idea of getting back together with you, breaking all of the promises that have yet to be fulfilled.

He couldn’t break Hana’s heart like you did his.

You swallow hard because you knew what he was thinking. It didn’t take much explaining to know. It sent a pain to your chest to know that after all of these years, and while he knew you better than anyone else, he still didn’t know you at all.

“You must think very low of me to think I would do something like that.” You told him. “I would never. I won’t.”

Kageyama registered your words into his head and it took him a few seconds to believe you. He bit the inside of his mouth and nodded. Turning to leave, dropping your wrists.

You wanted to call after him, to stop him and tell him right then and there that you were sorry. You wanted the never ending apologies to come, get some closure. But when he’s almost out of the door, he’s the one to halt and start speaking.

“Just. Stay the fuck away from me and my fiancé.” He didn’t want you here, a room away from his. He didn’t want _you_. 

You couldn’t breathe. You waited as you felt the unbearable heat in your cheeks and the burning in your throat. You stood there, staring blankly at the door where the love of your life just walked out of. You tried as hard as you could to not cry, or scream.


	6. don’t even get me started

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is kind of another filler chapter, but it leads to the next part that's a bit longer in length and has some answers :)

Tobio Kageyama was full of many things, but the most dominant at the moment were guilt and regret. He shouldn’t have come to you the way he did, not when he owed you a million explanations and had a trillion things to say.

But he also wasn’t one to apologize.

As he laid in his bed, blinking at the smooth white ceiling and his fiancé waking up beside him, he thought of you. 

He missed you, he did. Although he only felt pain and anger when he looked you in the eye, he missed you. He missed you. He missed your hand in his, he missed you coming to his high school games, he missed you bringing him little things, he missed the way you made him genuinely smile. 

Maybe he didn’t necessarily miss you, but instead the _idea_ of you.

Sighing, he stood. He had shit to do.

\--

You were busy that week. The fact that you were trying to distract yourself also helped. You worked extra hours, spent time at Oikawa’s (even if he wasn’t there), met up with some old friends from before you left. Basically, anything that kept you out of Kageyama’s.

When you came back to your temporary home, you found Hana alone. She was busy in the kitchen, running around with a white apron on. 

“Hey!” She sent you a smile. You grimaced. “I’m making dinner!”

“I’m good.” You walked by. “Kageyama isn’t here, you don’t have to pretend to be nice.”

Hana paused whatever she was doing, turning around with a spatula still in her right hand. “I… I don’t know what you want me to say. I know that it’s weird, and unexpected, and…”

“Weird and unexpected?” You pivoted. “I’m going to my room. Let me know when you need me to help with your wedding, apparently that’s why I’m here.”

“Okay, okay. I get it, I do.”

“No, clearly you don’t.” You shrugged and left before she could reply.

\--

“You’re stupid as shit.” 

That was the first thing Kei Tsukishima told you. You were talking up Kageyama’s ears during class about how he has to study and to come over after school, and Tsukishima interrupted.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“You’re stupid as shit to think that his dumbass will understand any of this.”

“Shut up.” Kageyama muttered at the same time you said, “I think you underestimate him. You do it in volleyball too.”

“Sure.” Was Tsuki’s reply.

You turned to see that Hana was swooning, staring at him with hearts in her eyes.

\--

After a winning game, Kageyama ran to you. With the brightest smile on his face, he picked you up and spun you around in front of everyone.  
That was the happiest you had ever been. 

He was embarrassed as soon as he realized what he was doing, and quickly set you back down with a red face. 

\--

“This has got to be the funniest shit I have ever witnessed in my entire life.” Oikawa said, trying his very best to breathe through laughter. He had to wipe a tear.

Because Tobio Kageyama was standing on his doorstep asking about you. _As if_.

“C’mon man.” Kageyama’s regret was consuming him. “Help me out here. She’s your best friend.”

“You’re absolutely right. Which is why I’m not telling you shit.” Oikawa straightened his back. “She may have hurt you, but you broke the poor girl’s heart. And I will take no part in you breaking it more.”

“I fucked up yesterday.” Kageyama tried to explain. “I fucked up, and I said some things out of anger and I need to make up for it.”

“You have a lot to make up for.” He started to close the door. “Good day.”

“Wait! Please!” Kageyama was begging. Oikawa paused. “How did I break her heart? She’s the one who _literally_ left me.”

Oikawa tilted his head in confusion. _He really had no idea_. “Tobio, she wasn’t going to break up with you that day. She wanted to still be with you. You were aware of that, right?” A pause. “You really are stupid as fuck. Come inside.”

\--

One thing that Kageyama knew for certain is that he missed you playing with his hair. With Hana, it’s always him who plays with her hair. But when he was with you, you were the one who ran your fingers through his, scratched at his scalp and let him sleep in your lap.

He found that he was always comparing his relationship with you to his with Hana. Maybe it was because you were the only other relationship to compare anything to, or maybe not. Either way, it made his stomach tighten.

In the shower, he thought of you. Of your lips, of your touch. How you pulled his hair as you moaned, how you always knew exactly what he wanted. 

The water was cold by the time he got out.

\--

One of the first times that Kageyama had stayed the night, he fell asleep on your lap. 

You were sitting on the couch, watching some bullshit romance movie, with his head on your thighs. His hand traced your calves as your hands ran through his hair. You liked the way it looked when your fingers disappeared in the darkness.

He fell asleep quickly, soft snores coming from his mouth. You thought he looked gorgeous. 

Your parents came into the room with more snacks only to find you both asleep. They just giggled at the scene and placed a blanket over Kageyama’s legs.

\--

You hadn’t spoken to much of anyone from Karasuno since you left. After Tobio’s declaration of hate, you didn’t really want to. 

You sent a quick text to some of the Karasuno boys that you were pretty good friends with.

you: hey! i know we havent talked in a while but im back in japan. maybe we can meet up? (if this is still your number, of course. if not pls ignore bc that’s embarrassing)

So, you were surprised that both Hinata and Yamaguchi answered your texts. They kept the same phone number.

hinata!!: hey hey !! yes yes lets meet up. i leave for europe soon so lets go for brunch tomorrow!!!!!

yams :D: hey. i actually have been crashing at tsukis for a little bit im sure he wouldnt mind if u stopped by :D come over tonight! we can convince him to make cookies w us.

\--

You and Tsukishima both got top grades. It was something that you were proud of and something that he was irritated by.

“I’ve underestimated you, I admit.” Tsuki told you after class. “Good job.”

“Good job to you, too.” You smiled. “You’re cooler than you want everyone to think.”

“Am I?”

“Yessir.” You nudged him with your hip. “I can see why a lot of girls like you.”

You watched his face flush, but didn’t say anything else. 

\--

You didn’t see Kageyama for the rest of that week. You didn’t think you would’ve been able to handle it. 

Instead, Hana took you helping for her wedding very seriously. You actually helped her make appointments with the florist and decorators and all. She already had the theme and everything like that decided, so you mainly helped with execution.

It was awkward to say the very least.

“Hey.” Hana was sitting on the edge of your bed (the guest room bed, you reminded yourself). “I wanted to thank you.”

“For?”

“For everything.” She didn’t look at you. “There are so many things that I need to apologize for, and I still owe you for a lot, but you’re still here and helping me.”

“I’m not going to lie, I really want to punch you in the face.”

She nodded. “Would you mind waiting until after the wedding?”

“I’ll consider.”

She thought that you were joking, but you really thought about putting your fist through her face like a kebob. She had a lot of explaining to do.

Not just because she was your best friend, but because there are billions of people on planet earth and she decided to marry the one person she knew you had unresolved feelings for. Because she was a liar. Because you didn’t trust her even a little bit.

\--

You knocked on the door, determination and rage filling the entirety of your bones. There was more to the story, something had happened and you needed to know what it was.

A certain tall blonde in glasses swung open the door, grumbling something obscene under his breath.

“Yes?” he asked before registering that it was you. “Oh, hey.”

“Did you know Hana and Kageyama are getting married?” you asked immediately, clearly full of untouched emotion. 

“Yeah.” Tsukishima’s eyes shifted. He was angry, too. “I got invited to the fucking wedding.”

“What happened while I was gone?” 

“Don’t even get me _fucking_ started.” He opened the door some more, heading in. An invitation for you to follow. You did.


	7. finally, some answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all! sorry about the delay in the update, i genuinely am losing track of the days because i've been so busy.  
> i hope you all enjoy! here are some answers :)

“You’re actually here!” Yamaguchi greeted from the living room. He was sitting on the couch with a fluffy blanket and a movie playing on the TV. He was still as cute as ever, you noted. 

“You knew she was coming?” Tsukishima asked as the two of you walked through. “You didn’t say anything.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise!” He told his best friend. “I also said that we would try to convince you to let us bake with us.”

“Mhm.”

Kei Tsukishima’s house was comfy, to describe it in words. It was a small house with the main “open” spaces all connected in a square (the living room, the kitchen and dining room, the main hallway, a bathroom), and a pair of stairs as soon as you walk in to the bedrooms upstairs. Everything was comfy, full of reds and colorful gifts. Tsuki may pretend to be monotone and annoyed by everything, but he even kept the painting you got him for his birthday back in high school.

“So, you know nothing of what happened?” Tsuki offered as he plopped down on the couch opposite of Yamaguchi.

You confirmed, sitting next to him. “I don’t know anything except that they’re getting married.”

“Wait, really?” Yams asked, eyes perking up. “Wow.”

“I guess I’ll start at the beginning.”

\--

Tsukishima and Hana dated for two years. The second you left on the plane to your new life, Hana upheld her end of the deal in telling Tsuki how she felt.

“Hey, Tsuki!” Hana called over the phone as she walked from the airport.

“Yeah?”

“I have something to tell you…”

He returned her feelings. In fact, he had the same crush on her for nearly as long as she did. It was kind of perfect. He had never been in a relationship before and to be completely honest, he was excited.

Tsuki and Hana were a good couple. They spent every moment that he wasn’t playing volleyball together, took graduation photos together, went on dates on the weekends. Tsuki gave Hana a lot of his firsts: his first kiss, his first “I love you”, his first sexual experience. He really did love her.

Which is why it completely shattered him when he found Hana sleeping with another man. In the house that they shared. In his bed. 

He didn’t yell at her, though. He didn’t rip her heart out and stomp all over it like she did him. Instead, he simply said, “I expect you out of the house with all of your things by the time I’m back.” Before leaving to meet up with his college friends for dinner.

\--

“Holy shit.” You sank back into the couch. You felt better about her soon to be husband cheating on her (with you, but you didn’t have to confirm that).

“Yeah, I was upset but making a big deal about it would only make things worse, you know?” Tsuki said. He shrugged, but you knew that there was a different sort of sadness in his eyes.

“Right.”

“Anyway, I didn’t really try to care that much.” Tsuki sat up further, placing his elbows on his knees. “And I tried to move on or whatever, but then I got the fucking invitation to the wedding.”

“Yeah that’s what I don’t get.” You explained. “How her and Kageyama ended up together.”

This time it was Yamaguchi who spoke up. “Love, who do you think she cheated on Tsuki with?”

\--

Tobio Kageyama hated sitting in Oikawa’s apartment. It didn’t feel right. He was out of place in someone who not only didn’t want him there, but has hated him for years.

He felt small on the couch as Oikawa made them drinks.

“If you’re going to be in my house,” Oikawa had said. “We’re gonna have some drinks.”

Once the drinks were made, Oikawa sat across from him on a chair. They didn’t speak for a minute, taking small drinks of whatever fruity alcoholic drink Oikawa created. It was good, though he would never admit it.

“Alright. Let’s get into it.” Oikawa said, setting his glass on the coffee table. Kageyama stayed silent. “Before I say anything, I want to say that the next time I have to hear her cry about you I’m going to chop my own ears off. Moving on…”

\--

Tooru Oikawa was used to hearing you cry. 

He was your shoulder to cry on. He was your emotional support. He was the one who fucked you to forget the tears and made you breakfast after. He was your best friend.

That’s why he didn’t tell Kageyama everything. He didn’t tell your past lover of your tears, of your sexcapades, of your pain. Instead he told him the story of you, the heartbroken girl who wanted to only get further away.

He told him about how you cried on the plane. He told him about how you didn’t want to break up, but attempt long distance. He told him about how you thought about his “I hate you” for months. He told him about how you did your best to put yourself back together. He told him about how you focused on yourself. 

Oikawa did his best to keep certain parts of you for himself.

\--

Somehow you ended up in Kei Tsukishima’s kitchen. You were mixing things in a bowl while Tsuki and Yamaguchi were putting the mixture onto a pan in small clumps. These cookies were not going to be good.

Your mind was elsewhere, thinking of a million things at once. Hana cheated on Tsuki with Kageyama. Why would Kageyama do that to Tsuki? Why would Hana do that to you? 

There were so many things left without an answer.

“I slept with Kageyama.” You spoke for the first time in a minute.

The two boys froze in their places, blinking at you. Tsuki scoffed. “Of course you did.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t mean it in a bad way.” Tsuki continued his task. “I just mean, it isn’t surprising. It’s karma for Hana’s husband to cheat on her. I hope she finds out.”

“Tsuki…”

“I worded that wrong.” Tsuki explained. “I’m just saying. You’re way prettier than her, and you’re way cooler. And Tobio very clearly has unresolved feelings for you. I would just love to see the look on her face if she finds out the two of you slept together. Karma _is_ a bitch.”

Yams smacked the shit out of him.

\--

“I should talk to her, shouldn’t I?”

“Yeah.” Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Seriously. It’s like the two of you are dancing around each other without saying a single word because your mouths are too busy doing other things.”

\--

“Tsuki, you believe in karma?” you asked.

The cookies were finished and the three of you were back in your places in the living room. They weren’t the best cookies, but they were pretty decent. Yamaguchi did most of the work.

“A thousand percent.” Tsuki replied. “Why do you ask?”

“I have an idea.”

\--

As you walked back to your temporary home, you thought of a lot. How Kageyama wanted you gone, and how he yelled at you for no reason beyond his own insecurity. How Tsuki not only had his heart broken, but got invited to the one event that confirmed that heartache. How Hana is a lying, stupid bitch who you want to trip and fall into her wedding cake. How everything got so fucked up.

Kageyama had to love Hana. That was the only explanation that you could fathom. He loved Hana, and Hana loved him. How else would you end up in this situation?

You answered your ringing phone without looking at the caller ID. 

“Hello?”

“Hi! So, the wedding is in a couple of days and I was wondering…”

Hana was going to get a wonderful slice of karma, served hot.

\--

“You know I’m not fast enough!” You yelled after your boyfriend.

“Just run faster!” Kageyama called from far ahead of you.

He wanted to show you something. You knew that it was special when Kageyama got excited like that, rushing and running with a red face and wind in his hair. 

Once you caught up with him, you couldn’t help but think of how perfect he was in the moonlight. And he was all yours.

“What?” You asked between gasps. You were breathless, chasing after a man who thought running was a fun sport. “What did you want to show me at the top of a fucking mountain?”

“It’s a hill.” He corrected, but smiled anyway. A genuine smile, one you didn’t see often. “Look.”

Above you laid a garden of stars. They twinkled and shined against the black blanket of the night sky. There was no moon.

“It’s beautiful.” You murmured. 

“So are you.” He stated. As if it were a fact and not a biased opinion.

\--

A knock on your door. You didn’t move from your position on your bed, assuming that it was Hana coming in to ask you some bullshit about actually helping her with the stupid wedding. Instead, Kageyama walked in.

“Hey.” was his greeting.

“Here to yell at me some more?” you quipped, looking up at him.

“No.” He moved towards you. He held out his hand.

In his hand, he held a hot chocolate. You rolled your eyes but took it anyway. 

“Do you like it?”

“I would like it better if you weren’t an asshole yesterday.”

Kageyama was going to say something, but stopped himself. He stood a couple feet in front of you for a second as if he was trying to remember something. “Oh. I haven’t apologized.”

“It usually comes with the cocoa.”

That made the edges of his lips quirk up. But that small smile quickly disappeared. He came closer to sit beside you on the bed. You sat up to meet him halfway. An olive branch.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said… well, I shouldn’t have said any of it. And I do owe you a lot of explanations, and I know that we hate each other. But, I _do_ love her.” Like he was trying to convince himself.

You were sitting too close. Far too close. Incredibly too close. You would move centimeters and press your lips to his. 

His eyes were focused on your mouth when he said, “I _love_ her. I love _her_.”

“I’m aware.” You said. Your eyes drifted from his to his lips. “Trust me, I know.”

He breathed in, as if he was trying to stop himself from saying something that he would regret. He’s been doing a lot of that. And he was getting married in two days. Two days. 

You could feel your heart hammer against your rib cage. He was sitting too close, you couldn’t form any words.

Before you could blink, before you could have a single other thought, Kageyama’s lips were on yours.


	8. confessions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ummmm.. anyway...

You let him kiss you.

You didn’t understand why your instinct was to kiss him back, or to grab the hairs at the nape of his neck. You didn’t understand why there was this brilliant electricity between the two of you. You didn’t understand why you became so _turned on_ by the feel of his hand on your chin.

He pushed closer to you, putting his hand on the back of your head to pull you closer, still, to him. You grasped at his shirt, wanting nothing more than to take it off. It was electrifying, it was dangerous, and it was _wrong_.

You froze, pulling away from him. With your hands still curled into his shirt, you blinked at him.

“We can’t…” You were still catching your breath. “We can’t do this.”

He was searching your eyes. You watched them flick between yours, trying to find a way to form words. He looked away. He loved Hana. He loved Hana. He loved Hana… _right_?

No.

 _No_ , he didn’t. A kiss with Hana, a night with her, it never felt the way it did with you for even a second. Maybe it was the unforgiven heartbreak, maybe it was the lack of closure. Or maybe it was just you. He didn’t want to feel anything but hatred, anger, towards you but he feared that it was the opposite.

“Kageyama, I need you to say it.” You were searching his eyes now, trying to get him to look at you. “Kags. I need you to say that we can’t do this.”

“I… I don’t know why you do this.” He muttered. He couldn’t look at you.

“Why I do what?”

“Why you do this to me.” He spared you a glance, a small one. “Why I want you like this.”

You chuckled, loosening your grip on his shirt. “And I thought you hated me.”

“I do.”

“Then say it.” You leaned a little further back to take him all in. He couldn’t. “ _Fucking say it_. You’ve said it before.”

You didn’t want him to. You wanted him to kiss you again. You wanted him to call off this stupid fucking wedding with a girl you knew was awful for him. You wanted him to pretend that the last five years never happened. You wanted all the hatred, all of the anger and fury, all of the pain to go away. You wanted him to take your hands in his and look at you and tell you that he was in love with you for the first time.

You wanted him.

He wanted you, too.

He wanted to take you right here, in your bed. He wanted to get on a plane with you and get the fuck out of the country and forget the last five years. He wanted to take it all back. He wanted to push that damn piece of hair that’s in the middle of your face.

But he couldn’t. He couldn’t do that to you, he couldn’t have the possibility of things going so fucking wrong again. He couldn’t do that to Hana and the wedding guests. He couldn’t do that to Oikawa. Or Tsuki.

 _Fucking Tsuki_. He couldn’t do another fucked up thing. He had to do the right thing, and the right thing was marrying Hana in two days and live on with her as his wife. The right thing was never kissing you again, never sleeping with you again, and moving on as if you hadn’t entered back into his life.

“Fuck you, seriously.” Kageyama said.

\--

Kageyama grabbed your hand at lunch one day.

The lunch table consisted of the Karasuno volleyball boys, except the third years. Some girls sat at the table too, like Hana and the first year manager that you couldn’t possibly remember the name of. It was pretty rowdy and everyone was chatting and cheering and laughing.

And in the midst of the laughter and Hinata cracking a joke from across from you, Kageyama intertwined his fingers with yours as they laid on the table next to your food.

You looked up at him, nudging him with the arm connected with his. He nudged you back with a smile.

“Why the hand holding?” you asked, confused at his sudden PDA (which he didn’t offer, usually).

“You look good today is all.” Was his reply. “And I like it when you laugh.”

\--

“ _Fuck you, seriously._ ” Kageyama said. “I am not going to sit here and tell you that I hate you.”

“Why not? You’ve done it before.”

“That isn’t fair.”

“It’s _completely_ fair.” You spoke with so much calmness. You were so relaxed. As if everything that was happening wasn’t affecting you even a little bit. “How’s this to get us started? You told me that you hated me in front of my family and my best friend. Oh wait, sorry, I meant your bride to be.”

“And that’s the reason I cheated on her for you, right?” His voice got a bit louder. But he wasn’t yelling yet. “Because I hate you? God, you’re insufferable.”

You scoffed. “Go on. Turn it all on me. You always _loved_ to do that.”

“You know what?” Kageyama laughed humorlessly. He shrugged. “Maybe I do hate you. Why else would I possibly find myself in the _exact_ same position I was a couple of weeks ago? I feel like Yagami fucking Light from Death Note with Amane Misa. You’re so _fucking annoying_. You make me want to rip my hair out.” He exhaled. “That’s why no one will _ever_ fucking love you.”

And that was the line.

Kageyama felt paralyzed. He couldn’t move, guilt and regret immediately filled his body like someone was filling up a glass of water. You stared at him, nodding.

“Well, there you go.” You smiled. It didn’t meet your eyes. “That was easy, wasn’t it?”

“Hold on.”

“No, I told you to say it. You said it.”

“Wait. That’s not what I...”

You were already out the door.

\--

“Why are you here?” Oikawa’s hair was a mess, and he was in his pajamas. He stared at you with an emotion you couldn’t decipher.

“You know why.”

You tried to kiss him, but as soon as your lips touched his, he moved back.

“You really are an idiot, aren’t you?”

\--

In high school, Kageyama was always jealous of Oikawa. It was a reoccurring theme within the relationship. He would never admit it, because he was Tobio Kageyama and he wouldn't dare say something that made him seem less than what he was.

When you started sleeping with Oikawa, after you had left and Kageyama had admitted that he hated you, you knew that he was the rebound. That he would take your mind off of the sadness. Oikawa knew that, too. It was a mutual agreement, something that the two of you did when you were upset. Or just in the same country at the same time. You felt guilty, sometimes, because even when you were fucking him, you would think of how Kageyama would react if he ever witnessed the two of you together.

Eventually, you stopped thinking of it that way. You stopped thinking of Kageyama all together.

Oikawa hadn't, though.

\--

“Hey!” Hana tilted her head at you. She was fixing some last minute things for the wedding, and you happened to be getting ready to leave in the living room. “You weren’t invited to the wedding. I don’t have a seat for you.”

“Yeah, you do.” You smiled to yourself. “I’m going as someone’s plus one.”

“Oh, really?” Hana scanned the seating chart that laid in front of her. “Who?”

“You’ll see. It’ll be great.”

“Oh I hope so!” Hana smiled.

She had no idea.

\--

 **tsukikei:** How do you manage to not only hurt yourself but hurt your own fucking feelings?

 **you:** just me bein me <3  
**you:** you ready for the wedding ;)

 **tsukikei:** Operation Karma will be one to go down in history.

\--

“You really are an idiot, aren’t you?” Oikawa shut the door behind him when you walked into his house. “Fuck, you’re so fucking stupid.”

“Can you not cut into me today?” You asked.

“Let me guess.” Oikawa was pissed. You could feel his anger echo off of his apartment walls. “You and Kageyama had another moment. And without fail, he broke your heart. Again. With your permission, right? Because you need him to continuously fuck you over so you can remind yourself that he is bad for you.”

“’Kawa. Don’t.”

“Here’s what I have to say.” He moved towards you, yet kept his distance. “I don’t understand how you keep putting yourself through loving him. You go to him, you let him treat you like shit. Over and over again. And do you know who has to hear about it? _Me._ Every time that he does anything, _I'm_ the one who hears about it. You will literally gasp his name while I'm fucking you, did you know that? And guess what! He doesn’t _give a fuck about you_!”

You couldn’t breathe. You had never seen Oikawa this angry. Not when he was pissed off, not when he was on court, not when he lost. You didn’t know what to say.

“And you always, _always_ , come to me like some fucking dessert to your full meal you just finished with the fucking King.” He said your name like it repulsed him. You were shaking. “I am _so sick_ of being the second choice.”

\--

Tooru Oikawa never got to do anything that he dreamed of.

He didn’t get to perfect his serve, there will always be a flaw. He didn’t get to take his high school team to nationals.

He didn’t get to do a lot of things.

But one thing that Oikawa was very good at being honest. He was not a liar, and he wasn’t going to pretend that things were alright when they very clearly weren’t.

\--

“It’s always Kageyama.” Oikawa continued. “It’s always him. It will always _be_ him. And I am sick and tired. I’m _fucking_ exhausted. I cannot be your second choice anymore. I cannot continue to be your rebound.”

You zoned out for a minute, ears ringing. If you were already at a breaking point, this was the dam falling apart. You had to hold back tears.

And then, “I love you.”

Your heart seized.

“I got to go.”


	9. operation karma pt 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey all!  
> sorry for the delayed update!! midterms and work has been kicking my ass.  
> i hope you all enjoy and the next part is the last one <3

The second that the words left Oikawa’s mouth, he was paralyzed. He hadn’t expected to say it. His eyes were wide, skin flushed and mouth agape. Surprise and regret immediately masked his anger.

He couldn’t even move as you turned and left.

Let’s paint the picture, shall we? You, a girl who still had an incredible amount of love for your ex boyfriend to the extent that you were comfortable being the mistress in his affair. Kageyama, said ex boyfriend who still had a lot of unresolved feelings for you to the point where he had considered (on more than one account) disregarding his entire upcoming wedding. And Oikawa, your best friend and fuck buddy for the past five plus years who had just accidentally revealed that he was, in fact, in love with you.

Let’s just say that you walked a lot that day.

You walked through the city until the sky turned dark. You walked along the neon lights, through the park, and back into the city streets. You walked near the water, you walked past hundreds of people. It was incredibly melodramatic.

It wasn’t until you realized that you were actually tired, and your feet hurt, that you sat on a bench. It was pretty secluded. The bench sat facing the water, the city behind it, and you did nothing but sit.

A body sat beside yours, on the complete opposite side of the bench with as much space as possible between you. You almost giggled to yourself, despite everything.

“Hey.” The person spoke, and you knew who it was. There was only one person on the face of the earth that would take it upon themselves to be that respectful to sit on the opposite side of the bench you were sitting alone at, at night.

“Hey, Hinata.” You looked up at him. He’d grown a lot since high school.

“You found my bench.”

“ _Your_ bench?”

He chuckled, making you smile. “No, not _my_ bench. But the bench I like to sit at when I have a lot to think about.”

“So, you would sit and think about volleyball on this bench?”

“Yeah.” He smiled brightly. There’s something about Shoyo Hinata that made it impossible not to smile. “It’s really pretty here. And there’s a lot of good food behind us.”

You turned back to the water, eyes scanning for answers.

“I’m still in love with Kageyama.” You told him.

“I know.”

“And Oikawa just told me that he was in love with me.”

“Wait, really? _Finally!_ ” He stopped himself. “I mean. I knew that, too.”

“Does everyone tell you everything?”

“Yeah, usually.” He moved a little bit closer, but not by much. “If you think you know someone’s secrets, I’m sure I already know about it.”

“Even Tsuki?”

“You mean how Hana cheated on him with Kageyama and now you are going to the wedding with him, him being Tsuki, to make them both jealous?”

“Damn. You’re insane.”

“Nah, I’m just a short stack of secrets.”

Another bubble of laughter. 

“You don’t plan to ruin the wedding, do you?” Hinata asked. 

You shook your head. “No, no. We aren’t monsters. We just want to make the two of them shake in their boots a bit. There’s way too much money being spent for us to ruin the wedding. Besides, I would somehow end up being the one sending out apology letters to family and friends for coming.”

“Yeah that would be embarrassing.”

\--

The wedding was the next day.

You didn’t go to the rehearsal, and even took it upon yourself to stay the night at Tsukishima’s.

When you arrived at his door with a bag (that you quickly snatched of necessities from Kageyama and Hana’s), Tsuki just opened the door and simply asked you to join him in watching a murder mystery podcast. You accepted.

\--

“Why can’t I wear a fucking suit?” You complained as you shoved yourself into the nicest dress you owned. It was beautiful, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, and hugged you in exactly the right places. You just hated the process of getting ready.

“Because you look great in that dress. Now hurry up because we don’t want to be the only ones late.”

You left Tsuki’s bathroom in full glam.

You watched Tsuki’s eyes shift from your chest to your eyes. You smirked. “I guess the dress works.”

“It definitely works.” Tsuki rolled his eyes, bringing his arm up for you. You linked your arm through.

“You guys have fun!!” Yamaguchi called from the living room. You waved as you walked by. “Holy shit, you guys look likes gods.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you cuss.” You said.

“You’ve obviously never talked to him.” Tsuki scoffed. “We’ll be back later. Or, at least, I will be.”

“Don’t die. And don’t kill anyone!”

“No promises.”

\--

Tobio Kageyama always thought that on his wedding day, you would be the one walking down the aisle in white.

He would never admit it; but to be completely honest, he had thought about it a lot during the duration of your relationship. He had imagined standing at the end of the aisle and you walking down, and kissing you as man and wife. It was a stupid imagination for a high school relationship, but he did imagine it.

He watched as you walked into the building by yourself. He was greeting everyone, welcoming them before the wedding and telling the women where to find Hana in her dressing room.

You were absolutely stunning in the most brilliant red dress he had ever seen. The wedding was white and blue, and you stood out in the most amazing way he had ever witnessed.

Kageyama couldn’t take his eyes off of you as you turn to the door, where Tsukishima just entered. His stomach churns when he sees you greet him with a hug and the two of you laugh at something Tsukishima said. And he hates how evidently the man is your date.

He has to physically stop himself from chasing after you when you pull Tsuki by the hand and drag him through the sea of bodies to where a few members of the old volleyball team are (ie Hinata, Daichi, Suga, and Noya).

His heart leaps violently against the bones of his chest when a thought floods into his mind. The thought that you were with Tsukishima, the thought that you knew of everything that happened since you’ve been gone.

He felt as though he couldn’t breathe.

\--

You kept yourself at Tsuki’s side the entire time.

There was a little get together before the actual wedding. Everyone just stood around and chatted with everyone that they only get to see once a year, greeting the groom and making him more nervous. After a bit, it would be time to sit down and watch the ceremony.

The thought made you want to eat dirt.

Tsuki put his hand on your waist and you looked up at him. The two of you were still in the middle of talking to the old volleyball boys, Hinata talking about his travels.

“He can’t take his eyes off of you.” Tsuki muttered into your hair. It wasn’t unnoticed by Daichi and Suga, who just exchanged a look (as they always seemed to be all knowing).

“Just wait until Hana gets her eyes on you.” You lean into his side. “She won’t make it down the aisle.”

He chuckled and placed a kiss on your temple, feeling the eyes of Kageyama on your back.

“The man of the hour.” Daichi spoke up.

Kageyama appeared beside you. Tsuki’s hand stayed on your waist.

“How are you feeling?” Suga asked, eyes shifting between you and him. You could swear he knew more than you could ever imagine.

“Good, good.” Kageyama plastered a fake smile on his face. “Just nervous.”

“Well that’s normal.”

“Can I borrow her for a second?” Kageyama turned to Tsukishima. You blinked. “I just have to talk to her for a second.”

“Yeah.” Tsuki let go of your waist. He sent you a look, basically telling you to fuck the shit outta him in the broom closet.

“I’ll be right back!” you sent them a smile.

\--

Kageyama looked absolutely delicious in his suit. Black, with a little bit of blue accents throughout. It brought out his eyes. You couldn’t focus as you followed him to an empty room.

“Hey.”

“If you have something you have to say, you could’ve said it out there.”

“No I.” _I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said. I should just leave with you right now and run away and get married and live in a forest. I am so sorry. I am so sorry._ Instead, “What are you doing here with Tsukishima?”

“What do you mean? He’s my date.” You shrugged.

“Yes. But why?”

“You expected me to come to your wedding by myself?” You blinked. “Or, rather, you expected Tsuki to come by his lonesome?”

“No, I…”

“That’s a bit selfish, don’t you think Kags?” You felt anger rising in your chest. “To think that I can’t have a date to a wedding when you’re _literally_ getting married.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.”

“Then what did you mean?” You were exasperated. “It’s incredibly clear how you think of me, Kageyama. But as for someone who will _never be loved by anyone_ , it’s nice to go to a wedding with…”

“ _You’re loved by me!_ ”

It was the first time in Kageyama’s life where he truly understood what earth-shattering silence was. It was deafening and loud; too loud. He stood there motionless as the howling of his blood pumping in his head, his heartbeat inside his chest. You were silent.

His world seemed to have stopped the second he had said those words to you. The moment those words left his lips, he wished to take them back. Not because they were lies, but because it was the first time he had said them in the most honest way possible.

You shook your head.

You _shook your head_ and Kageyama’s world shattered. He knew that he had hurt you, over and over and time and time again. But he had done it. He had hurt you to the point that you would simply shake your head at the confession of his love.

Whatever was left of whatever the hell was still there was gone.

“Kags,” You closed your eyes. “You don’t. I’m not.”

“I do.” He reached for your hand. You backed away.

“Me and Tsuki coming to your wedding together was not to get you to tell me that you love me.” You were muttering. You were babbling. You couldn’t do this. “It was to get you jealous, yes, but.. not this. Maybe rile you up. Get Hana to admit her bullshit for sure. But not… not this.”

“I…”

“You are getting married today.” You reminded him. “To Hana. You’re getting married to her. Today. And I cannot do another confession like that.”

“Who else has confessed to you?”

“Oikawa.” You said before you could think.

“ _Tooru Oikawa_ told you that he was in love with you?” Kageyama laughed as though it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. You basically heard your heart break.

“See? That right there?” You headed for the door. “That’s why you can’t possibly be in love with me. You’re so fucking convinced that I can’t be loved by anyone because I fucking moved away in high school. Jesus, Kageyama, get over it!”

“Sorry, sorry.” He was literally wiping tears from his face. “It’s just. I knew it. I _fucking knew it_.” He stopped when he seen your face. “No. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Seriously fuck you.” You moved to open the door to go back to your date and get ready for the ceremony. Because this was for Tsuki, not you.

You started to walk out, but turned to him with a glance over your shoulder. “By the way, I’ve been in love with you for years. This shouldn’t be new information.”

You didn’t stay to gauge his reaction.


	10. operation karma pt 2

You were tangled in Kageyama, body wrapped around his as his fingers danced with yours. His bed was too small for two people, but you made it work.

Your final year of high school started the next day. You were going to make the little moments last.

You felt his heartbeat against your cheek. It was peaceful.

“Kags, I think I’m in love with you.” You told him.

“Well that’s good.” was his reply.

\--

Tobio Kageyama stood in the empty room for a long time. He just stared blankly at the door for what felt like hours. How did everything possibly get this fucked up?

He went to rush after you, and he did. He caught you by your elbow just as you were turning the corner. Maybe he hadn’t been standing in that room for as long as he thought. 

“Kageyama.” You warned, not turning around to face him. “Please just let go and go through with this stupid wedding so I can dance at the reception.”

“I’m in love with you.” He said. “I’m _in love with you_. How can you tell me that you love me and then expect me to marry her right after?”

“Kageyama.” You warned again, this time turning around.

The minute your eyes met his blue ones, you had to stop yourself from tearing up. This was it. It was the final moments. You were letting him go, moving on, giving him up. You couldn’t do it anymore. This back and forth, this cheating and constant ups and downs. It was exhausting to love him.

And you knew that it was exhausting him, too. So, you were ending it.

“I love you. I’m in love with you.”

“You can say it all you want, Kags.” You took his fingers off of your elbow. “In minutes from now, you’re going to be married. To a girl you _love_. To a girl you cheated for, a girl you’ve been in a relationship for years while I was not here.”

“Yes, while you weren’t here. But you’re here. Now. You’re here and I love you and you love me and I don’t see why it has to be so difficult…”

“Because it is.” You were unusually calm while he was starting to panic. “Because everything about this is difficult. You’re getting married, Kags. _Married_.”

“But I won’t if…”

“When you proposed, what did you tell her?”

“What?”

“When you proposed to Hana, what did you tell her? What were your promises?”

“That I would marry her and stick with her for as long as she’ll let me.” Kageyama searched for the memory. “And that I would pay for dinner.”

You smiled. “See. And she’s still letting you stick with her. So do it.”

You reached up and placed a kiss to his cheek. It burned.

With a heavy heart, you walked towards the entrance. You had a call to make.

\--

“Oikawa?” You were surprised that he answered. 

Inside of the church, it was beautiful and bright. Outside, it was incredibly windy and getting dark quick. But you had to call your best friend.

“Hey.” 

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

“Listen.” You swallowed. “Kawa, I shouldn’t have left like that. I’m so sorry. I just…”

“Please don’t think I’m mad at you.” Oikawa interrupted. You felt a weight lift off of your chest. “I promise you, I am not even a little bit angry with you. I would’ve dipped too if you confessed your undying love for me.”

You laughed. “I think we should talk about it though. Not over the phone, but in general. Maybe I’ll come over after the reception.”

“We can talk about it if you want. I don’t expect anything, I know you’re in love with The King. Obviously. I do think we should probably keep fucking though.”

This time both of you were laughing.

Tooru Oikawa was something else.

\--

After you left, when you were on the plane with tears streaming down your cheeks, Kageyama felt like shit.

He wanted to text you. Maybe call one of your parents when you land and ask them if you were alright. He shouldn’t have told you that he hated you, because it wasn’t true. And he never lied like that to anyone, ever.

And it was Hana who ran out after him, calling him a million names that he had just called himself under his breath.

“She’s devastated.” Hana told him.

“So am I.”

\--

Your leg bounced as you sat on the bench. Tsukki sat beside you, and he placed a hand on your knee. 

“You’re stressing me out.” He said. “The plan worked. We got them both jealous. Now all we have to do is have way too much fun at this reception.”

“We haven’t even seen Hana yet, how do you know she’s jealous?” you blinked.

“I just ran into her.”

\--

Hana had run directly into Kei Tsukishima. 

He was leaving the bathroom, and ran directly into her. Like an old cliché where they push each other over and he helps her pick up her books. Except they’re older than that, and she was in a wedding gown.

He helped steady her, placing his hands on her hips. She thanked him without a second glance.

“Thank you, thank you,” and the second she realized who her savior was, “Oh. Hi, Tsukishima. I didn’t expect you to come.”

“You can still call me Tsukki, you know. No need to be formal. I’m literally at your wedding.”

“That’s true.” She laughed but there was no humor to it.

That’s when he noticed how distraught she looked. To anyone else she would look perfect, but he noticed. He noticed the flush on her face, the one piece of hair that was misplaced. Something was wrong.

“You’re marrying him.” Tsukki told her. 

She bit her lip.

“You’re running away.”

“He’s in love with someone else, Tsukki.” Hana’s shoulders dropped. “I’m not fucking stupid. I would know if my fiancé was cheating on me. Going through with this wedding would only stop him from getting what he wants. What he _needs_. He needs her like he needs oxygen to breathe, you see it too.”

“You’re telling me you want to run away from this wedding for _his_ sake?”

“Tsukki, I know how it looks.”

“No. You don’t. Nor do you know how it feels.” Tsukki grabbed her hands, forcing her to look at him. “You’re going to marry him because you love him. Because you invited the guy you cheated on him with to the wedding. Because you live with him. Because you have been in a relationship with him for years now despite all of the other bullshit. You’re not stupid.”

“Shouldn’t you be telling me to run away with you?” Hana looked down at their hands. “Shouldn’t this be the part where I confess that it should be you at the end of the alter and I fucked up big time?”

“If this were some bullshit movie your parents make you watch.” Tsukki chuckled. “But this is real life. And if I know you, I know you would never consider leaving all of those people in there. And, I’m not in love with you anymore so I wouldn’t ask you to run away with me.”

“Then why’d you come?”

“Mainly to make you and your groom jealous. It’s fun to see you both flustered.”

“Why would I be flustered or jealous on my wedding day?”

“Guess who my date is.” Tsukki took his hands out of hers and sent her a wink before heading back to his seat beside yours.

\--

The second that he ran into you, Kageyama froze.

He couldn’t believe that you were standing in front of him, buying a drink as if it were the most casual thing in the entire world. Like you had been back for a long time. Had you been back for a long time?

That’s when you made eye contact with him.

And that’s when Kageyama knew that everything building up to that moment was all for not, because you were the only thing he could see.

\--

“Kageyama?” The best man entered the hallway, searching for the man of the hour. “Hey! Come on, they’re starting soon which means you have to be at the end of the aisle. Let’s go. It’s time!”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“Tobio Kageyama.” Hinata stood directly in front of his best friend. Well, a little bit lower. “What are you talking about?”

“She told me that she was in love with me.”

The “she” in question didn’t need to be clarified. 

“Which is obvious.” 

“You knew?”

“Kageyama, do you think that she’s the type to become a mistress for the hell of it?” Hinata rolled his eyes. “It’s obvious to anyone with the naked eye. The real question here is a simple one.”

“And what’s that?”

“ _Are you in love with Hana?_ ”

\--

It was two years after you had left. Two years of growth and moving and volleyball and improvement. 

Kageyama was in a bar after a winning game, a couple of his teammates were there but were already on some bullshit on the club’s dance floor. He sat on the bar stools, sipping his alcohol.

That’s when he saw Hana.

A girl he hadn’t talked to in years, a girl who reminded him of you. A small piece of you still left here.

“Hana.” He greeted, waving from his seat. 

She waved back, grinning. She had a couple of drinks in her, but she was pretty alert. “Kageyama.”

“How have you been?”

He shouldn’t have asked that. He should’ve just said hi, moved on. Or maybe he shouldn’t have said hi at all. Because that lead to them being together for a long time, talking and chatting and telling stories of their adult lives.

Neither of them spoke of you.

After so many drinks, and not a lot of time, they had ended up with their tongues down each other’s throats. Call it what you want, but Kageyama was leeching onto whatever memory of you that existed. In that case, it was Hana herself.

They kissed and kissed, then drank some more and kissed again. Eventually, the kisses got rougher and there was more movement involved.

Hana’s thoughts were everywhere but there. And god, Kageyama knew what he was doing. (You weren’t lying when you had told her that he was a good kisser). 

Eventually, they were at Hana’s. In her bed. Tsukki hadn’t even crossed her mind until the man opened the bedroom door to see Kageyama _literally_ inside of her.

Fuck.

\--

“Shouldn’t you, you know, be ruining someone’s wedding right now?” Oikawa asked over the phone. 

You were still outside, wind messing up your perfectly placed hair. You didn’t care, the thought of Oikawa not being your friend anymore was making you physically ill. 

“I am not ruining a wedding. Just… causing some wedding drama.”

“So.. ruining a wedding?”

“Fuck you.”

“As long as you don’t moan Kageyama.”

“Tooru Oikawa I swear to everything that is holy…”

“Love!” A voice called from behind you. Tsukki. “They’re about to start.”

“Coming!” you turned back. “I’ll call you when it’s over, yeah?”

“Yeah. Don’t kill anyone!”

“No promises.” You repeated Tsukki.

\--

He couldn’t focus on the girl in front of him. Hana was stunning, beautiful, out of a magazine. But his mind was full of nothing but you. 

He thought of you when he greeted everyone. He thought of you when Hinata stopped him. He thought of you when he watched Hana walk down the aisle. He thought of you when he first started to date her. He thought of you when he was inside of her on Tsukki’s bed. He thought of you every minute of the past five years.

You could feel him stare at you. You were on one of the church benches, sitting next to Tsukki and watching the wedding. You stared back, not even forging a blink. 

As she walked down the aisle and everyone was staring at her, Hana’s eyes were on Tsukki. But only for a glance. You caught it, Kageyama caught it, and Tsukki definitely caught it. By the smirk on his face, he knew more than you did, but you didn’t say anything.

Kageyama’s mind was preoccupied by you when the officiant spoke. He felt as though his mind was playing a million different symphonies and each one of them was you.

You were in love with him. And he was getting married to someone else.

None of this felt real. He was staring from above, watching like a ghost at his own fucking wedding. But still, he couldn’t stop staring at you. In the crowd. When you should be the one in white.

“Hana Peters, do you take Tobio Kageyama to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?” 

“I do.” She was hesitant but stated it clearly. Maybe she did love him.

“Tobio Kageyama, do you take Hana Peters to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for…”

“ _I can’t._ ” 

The word slipped his tongue before he could stop them. The entire room froze on the spot, an unbreathing heavy silence that hung low in the air. He took his hands out of Hana’s.

Hana froze, but didn’t say anything. Her eyes went immediately to yours.

“I can’t. You and I both know that I can’t. I'm sorry.” Kageyama’s eyes flicked to Hana’s for a second, only to look directly at you. More eyes started to look at who the groom is staring at, you shifted in your seat. What was he doing?

He left the alter. 

Kageyama was walking away. 

Why the _fuck_ was he walking away?

Except, he wasn’t. No. He was walking towards you.

You couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t move. The entire room was deafeningly silent. 

His hand held out for yours.

**fin.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's all, folks !! <3
> 
> a huge thank you to everyone who read this along the way! and another huge thank you to everyone reading this after it's been published. i love you all!  
> i will probably go back in and edit this as my writing improves, but until then, this is the end! thank you all for coming on this insane ride haha
> 
> please dont be afraid to give me some feedback and (constructive) criticism!! and i do have a discord server for those who want to be friends and yell at me!! https://discord.gg/2ZpXnb


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